Lyrics

The Aardvark Song,

If I were an aardvark, I’d be an aardvark’s son,
I’d go around the world at night and aardvark everyone,
I’d aardvark in the kitchen and I’d aardvark in the hall
I’d aardvark in the bathroom while they wrote upon the wall.

Chorus
And I walk with the animals and I talk with the animals
I understand them, don’t you?
I walk with the animals and I talk with the animals
and if you must know sometimes I do the things that animals do.

If I were a ferret, I’d be a ferret’s son,
I’d go around the world at night and ferret everyone.
I’d hide under the couch at night and hide those little toys
I’d kiss the feet of little girls, bite the feet of little boys.

Chorus

If I were chimpanzee, I’d be a chimpanzee’s son
I’d go around the world at night and chimpanzee everyone,
I’d swing up in the trees in back of the garage,
And I’d chimpanzee through the drunken brawl
at the Elks Number Fourth Street Lodge.

Chorus

If I were a porcupine, I’d be a porcupine’s son
I’d go around the world and night and porcupine everyone,
I’d stick ‘em in the ass you know and I’d stick ‘em in the knee
And I’d stick ‘em anywhere I had to, to keep them from sticking me.

Chorus